The Precious Few
WRITTEN BY BENDY GIRL
READ TIME: 4 min. 20 sec.
My life as a Tantrika has brought me in contact with wonderful people. As a professional GF, those who have visited me through the years have become special to me in many ways. They are the precious few.
I felt there was no better time to share than now. I hope you enjoy, during this time of social-distancing, isolation, and introspection. Don’t let the loneliness get you down, carry yourself outside, look around and remind yourself that you are never alone.
XO,
BendyGirl
Loveologist
There are countless possible paths to becoming a 40 year old American man, and literally thousands of reasons why one would make initial contact with an escort. But, I imagine most of those reasons can be boiled down to the satisfaction of just a handful of basic needs. For my sake, I sought to recover from a state of complete sexual repression and loneliness. In my 20’s, I had made a conscious effort not to restrict my behavior. In order to gain independence from the social programming endured in my early childhood, I gave desire full reign over my actions. Once in my 30’s, in reaction to the chaotic life this behavior created, I opted for a more ascetic lifestyle. The realization that I had become an automaton, controlled completely by these mysterious desires, chemical brain states for which I had no explanation, left me unsettled. So, I decided to control my desires through disciplined suppression. By the time I was 40, I was completely locked up sexually and realized that my wanting sexual fire was causing emotional and physical harm. But, the thought of entering into some dating scene to work through the kinks seemed reckless. I had no interest in modern love, seemingly fraught with issues of control, ownership and jealousy. Besides, going back to where I had been didn’t interest me at all. At best, sex had always been a confusing mess of uncertainty, insecurity and fear, best suited for periods of insobriety. I was aware, even as a young boy, that I couldn’t take dogmatic morality too seriously; it changed too dramatically from generation to generation and from place to place to hold any fundamental truth. I had also become quite comfortable viewing law as a balance between risk and reward and, anyways, in every other aspect of my life, when I needed help, I sought the advice of professionals. So, the professional sex industry and I were destined to cross paths. Initially, I started visited asian massage parlors to simply get comfortable with a woman touching me in a sexual way; to simply get comfortable again feeling pleasure in the company of another person. My experiences in those parlors were fantastic. For the most part, maybe surprisingly, I found the women to be extremely personable and caring and ultimately, I experienced a strong sense of camaraderie. We were working together to create the experience. As they say, when you are ready to hear it, the message will appear. In kind, when I wanted to expand my experiences beyond the scope offered to me in those parlors, I found that a tantric NURU masseuse would soon be visiting my town. She had a website with photos and videos and well thought out text content. She had created a brand and that made me feel safe. Moreover, the Nuru massage created a focal point away from the sexual act which removed some of the pressure. I was timid and stiff during that appointment. I recall being very uncertain as to how much I should even move. But, I came out of that appointment with a fresh perspective. I had spent an hour and a half connecting with an interesting, attractive woman and had learned something about myself, about the sensations in my body and been introduced to some powerful sexual concepts that have permanently changed me. Quite simply, I had a human experience and I was ready for more. I followed my instincts to clumsily feel my way through the escort community, a community which is absolutely fascinating all in itself. There were hits and misses, but the misses were relatively painless and the hits have been life changing. I found incredibly strong minded, free thinking, beautiful women. Each experience revealed a unique set of needs and expectations, just like any other relationship I have ever had. I realized quickly that the money did not pay for sex, and it did not, as the misogynist joke goes, pay for the woman to leave afterwards. The money paid for the physical and emotional vulnerability offered to me by the provider. I’m sure it would be much easier to simply act out a “hobbyist” fantasy and be on their way. But, I was asking for more and invariably received it. I got to experience the intricacies that make each of these women unique and received the benefit of their individual gifts. These are not women who float inconsequentially through one’s life. I am blessed to have encountered them all and a precious few have already left a significant mark on my psyche. The sex industry and their personal courage are solely responsible for our meeting and I honestly can’t imagine my life, at this point, without them. In the end, less than a year after writing my first email to a provider, I have obtained the basic sexual education for which I was in desperate need. I am confident in my own sexuality and comfortable expressing it. I have learned how to prepare my body for sex, but also to accept, without judgment, what my body is capable of at a particular time. For the first time in my life, I can say that I have a healthy sex life. I don’t behave with the recklessness of my 20’s; I spend what I can comfortably afford and, following Taoist principles, cautiously dole out my sexual energy. But, I also do not live under the limitations of my 30’s; I enjoy my sexuality and express it openly. My fire has been relit and I am an immensely better person for it.
BG fan and client!
Read more about the benefits and importance of physical touch here.
